A lot of us like to walk around with the erroneous belief that we are perfect, and perfect in everything that we do. Not a perfectionist, just simply perfect. A perfectionist strives for perfection; a person who believes he or she is perfect is not striving to be. They believe it is so. Sorry to be the one to burst your bubble; no one is perfect. We all have flaws, many a piece, and you might be amazed to find that you can achieve a mirage of perfection, or rather wholesomeness, by recognizing and accepting that you do have inadequacies. In accepting our flaws, we immediately empower ourselves to work to better who we are, if we so choose, since there is no rule which commands that we must work to better or change ourselves.
We are who we are, each of us unique, and it is in our differences that we are common.
But again, if we so choose, we can achieve instant empowerment by accepting our imperfections. We have various levels of flaws, for example, on-the-surface flaws and beneath-the-surface flaws. Let us call them superficial and innate imperfections, respectively.
You might be a klutz, forgetful, tactless, a gossiper, condescending, quarrelsome, an impetuous lavish spender, or too frugal, bossy, talkative…..
You might be a pathological liar, cheater, abuser, a thief, a rapist, a pedophile, a white collar or political scalawag, a murderer—the list goes on.
The catch-22, however, is that not all of our deficiencies can be corrected. Superficial ones, e.g., being bossy, might be easily corrected, while on the other hand certain innate flaws, e.g., being a pedophile or rapist, might take a complete evolution for them to disappear. In some cases, expectation for change is hopeless.
Being influenced and affected by nature and nurture, it has proven extremely difficult for some of us to change some things about us. It is quite different from who we are. We ought to be defined, in character, by the sum total of our consistent behavior and actions, and not necessarily based on a few sporadic display of positive or negative behaviors and attitudes. We need to also be mindful of the fact that a good person can do bad things the same way a bad person can do good things. For instance, you might find that an abusive person is nevertheless charismatic, intelligent, witty, helpful, kind, and loving—when he or she is not being abusive towards another person. These characteristics might be more present in him or her than the abusive side.
However, having these good qualities does not obliterate the abusive nature, but at the same time, because those good attributes are more present on a daily basis and more pervasive, it might be more reasonable to see such a person based on who they are most of the times. We should not be defined by temporary fleeting behavior. However, where negative behaviors are consistent, the personality analysis may take a turn.
Changing some of our bad ways may require psychoanalysis and psychological therapy and counseling. Some persons have to go as far as going to specific classes or rehabs to help wean them off of destructive behaviors.
In other instances, some of us are in denial of our flaws, or we know them but act as if nothing is wrong about us. Sometimes we act differently from who we really are inherently. This type of cognitive dissonance does no good for development and enhancement of our personality and day-to-day functioning at home, at work, and at play. When we come out and accept (1) who we are, innately (2) how we act, if different, (3) how this affect our self-projection, (4) how it affects our interaction with others, (5) how we can reconcile the differences and synchronize what we say with what we do, and (6) that we have imperfections which require change, we place ourselves in a position to better who we are.
No one is perfect and there is always place for improvement of ourselves. When others see us recognizing and accepting who we are, accepting our flaws, and our persistence in trying to better ourselves, they garner respect and admiration for us, even if it’s in silence, and we may inspire them to better themselves too.
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In what ways have you better yourself by accepting your flaws? How did it change the way you relate and interact with others?
Feel free to comemnt below.
I have learned to change what I can and accept the rest, or at least try to, it has kept me a little safer that way
ReplyDeleteKathy, you've said this so sincerely it's inspirational. Sometimes the more we fight against our flaws, the more we struggle with them. Ideally, though, we wish for change, if change will make a huge difference in our lives. The Serenity Prayers also does have a lot of relevance here.
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