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Stay safe. Speak out against domestic violence. Use this hotline for help and more information. Call 1-800-799-SAFE or visit http://www.thehotline.org./
Read When Your Abuser Denies the Abuse
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and this week America is celebrating the cause of women who have survived domestic violence as well step up the campaign of advocacy against domestic violence against women, men, and children.
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we recognize the significant achievements we have made in reducing domestic violence in America, and we recommit ourselves to the important work still before us. Despite tremendous progress, an average of three women in America die as a result of domestic violence each day. One in four women and one in thirteen men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. These statistics are even more sobering when we consider that domestic violence often goes unreported.
The ramifications of domestic violence are staggering. Young women are among the most vulnerable, suffering the highest rates of intimate partner violence. Exposure to domestic violence puts our young men and women in danger of long-term physical, psychological, and emotional harm. Children who experience domestic violence are at a higher risk for failure in school, emotional disorders, and substance abuse, and are more likely to perpetuate the cycle of violence themselves later in life.
Read the full proclamation by President Obama by accessing the link here:
Considering the latest statistics, that one in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, this is not only an eye-opening figure, but one has to go on further to ask why many times victims remain in their abusive relationships. It is a topical issue which has plagued the minds of advocates and those who work to understand the gamut of issues surrounding domestic violence and victims’ response.
Woman to Woman Blog Talk decided to share a few comments we have received from women themselves who either have been or are in domestic violence relationships/marriages or work to assist victims. The question was posed, WHY DO SOME WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?
Read Mary Battafuoco's story of survival click My Survival Story
Read Mary Battafuoco's story of survival click My Survival Story
My Hypothetical Divorce says:
“I have to chime in- even at 56k way up in the mountains. The first and most devastating reason that women stay is illustrated by the statistical evidence that, WOMEN WHO ARE IN VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE KILLED WHEN THEY TRY TO LEAVE THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME.
Even women who perhaps haven’t heard about this instinctually know that they are at high risk when they endeavor to leave. It’s really just simple addition. “He’s nuts, he’s volatile and if I leave it’s gonna most definitely piss him off. High stress + change = unpredictable results.
For many women, I think the second reason is CHILDREN.
For women already in crisis, the emotional and financial costs of leaving may seem insurmountable when a child’s health and well being are also at stake. It’s easy to say… “Hey, forget it! If I have to live in my car for a couple of months, I’ll be fine, when you are not a parent.” It’s not easy to uproot a child, especially if no harm has ever come to the child, just to ensure your own safety. Most battered women with children have already been controlled by their abuser with isolation and financial dependency. That leaves women with very few resources to fend for themselves, much less protect and provide for a child.
The fact that our family courts are broken into pieces doesn’t help either. Some women find the task of a divorce terrifying when our courts favor the parent most likely to co-operate. Battered women are seen as over protective in private courtrooms and currently many of their children have been or will be sent with their abusive fathers (who appear more composed in court), only to be battered themselves or even die.
Women who are aware of this epidemic, as well as women who are not, have good reason to fear divorce and custody battles that they engage their abusers in. Abusive people are, after all, astoundingly good manipulators.
So that’s my beef with the question as to why women stay in abusive relationships. That’s why my divorce is “hypothetical”."
Dede says:
"I am so glad I found this site. 17 years ago I left an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship and vowed I would never let myself think about it again. In the past few weeks I find it rearing it’s ugly little head and feel I really need to deal with it or I will never be happy again. All of the things that I’ve read in this blog are so true. The men isolate you from all your friends so you are alone, and belong only to them (in their mind).
I had no idea that anyone else felt like this, really no idea. Or maybe I just didn’t let myself think about it. I locked it in an emotional safe and forgot the combination.
The man I was with started out as romantic, passionate, caring, demonstrative, and we had the best sexual relationship ever. I had no idea it could be that good. But that good became bad after about 10 months or so as began to pick fights with me because he loved make-up sex. It was like being raped after awhile but no slapping or hitting… just wearing me down until I submitted. How could I do that? I have always been a strong woman who never let any man boss her around. I couldn’t believe I was so stupid. And the funny thing is, I don’t like using the word ‘stupid’, but after that relationship I have been using it a lot. I think that’s the first thing I’ll change as of right this minute.
I was blinded by his words, always telling me he loved me and saying how beautiful I was. I was a good looking woman, so I didn’t really need him to tell me I was, but he did it so often that I guess I grew to like it. Also, the ‘I love you” all the time. That blinded me.
And here is something interesting. He was trying to make me think I was crazy. He would mention a movie and say ‘remember how we laughed at it’ or something like that. The first time I really wondered if I had forgotten it. But as time went on I made sure I remembered everything so I wouldn’t have to wonder, and he did it to me again and again. Telling me I had said things a couple of hours before, and I knew I didn’t, because that would not have been something I wanted to do or say. He was evil. And he did it all in the pretense of being super religious. Wow.
So, I’m coming back to this site and I hope other women find it. I have a lot of healing to do and forgiving of myself, because some day I would really like to have a nice healthy, happy, non-abusive relationship with a man. That would be nice. But I’m not settling ever again. And I am so critical of men who are nice to me now.
Women need to band together. We are strong and we deserve to be treated right. That’s the truth.
I love you all, my sisters. We can all get through this together."
Barbara says:
"Not only do I have a blog but I mentor women online coming out of abusive relationships. I learned something HUGE – Stockholm Syndrome. Yes, brainwashed, mind controlled women who are bonded to the abuse and simply can’t even think about leaving. Fear and brainwashing keep them in the relationship.
I strongly recommend every woman get and read a book called WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS by Sandra Brown, MA. It’s not on Amazon – there’s a link on my blog and I don’t make a dime on it. It’s vital information – don’t be put off by the title. You’ll learn loads about the victim side of the abuse dynamic.
Vist my website at http://abusedsanctuary.blogsot.com/
Vist my website at http://abusedsanctuary.blogsot.com/
Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the first Day of Unity observed in October, 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The intent was to connect battered women advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their children. The Day of Unity soon became a special week when a range of activities were conducted at the local, state, and national levels. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.ncadv.org/ )"
You might also like The Police Role in the Fight Against Domestic Violence
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You might also like The Police Role in the Fight Against Domestic Violence
Feel free to share your comments below.
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