Monday, October 31, 2011

Talking Marriage: ONE, by Sarah D. Henson

We are pleased to share with you inspirational, about life, love and marriage articles by Sarah D. Henson (My Words, My Thoughts, My Heart) Woman, Thou Art Loosed! Intro. Watch YouTube Video
Marriage is an eternal covenant. Whether you stay married, or divorce, the person you marry will always have pieces of you, you will never get back. So choose wisely, who you decide to make an exchange with. Be sure that whatever you receive in return, is worth giving away that piece of you.

I am my own person, I don’t need anyone to pay my bills, buy me a meal, get my car fixed, or negotiate next month’s payment. Sure it’s nice to be able to cook the bacon, but you have to know how to bring it home too. This is the mantra women live by. Gone are the days of I HAVE to stay home, staying home is an option I may or may not choose. Somewhere along the way, we started teaching our boys to cook and sew on buttons because “you may not have a woman and you need to learn how to do this.” Boy you need to learn how to grocery shop and make at least basic meals. Just learn how to take care of yourself, ya hear?

Photo:blogs.centrictv.com
We start this training as adolescents, how to be independent. How to live without depending on someone else for our livelihood. We perfect it over the years and then it’s time for us to get married. With love in our eyes, beaming through like rays of sunlight, we look at the person we love fully and say, I want to spend forever, as one, with you. Everything is blissful, even perfect maybe, until your spouse starts teaching your independent self, how to pay bills, how to grocery shop, what seasonings to use, when to put gas in the car, and how to fold your shirts label up so you always know which one is which. I’m sorry but I didn’t get married to be your personal assistance, you fell in love with ME, now you want to change how I think, how I communicate, even how I fold clothes!

Somewhere through the years, whether through progression, education, or survival we learned how important it was to be independent, how to live fully without the assistance of a mother, father, or spouse. It seems downright disrespectful that you would ask me to shave a part of me away to make your life easier, forgetting that this is exactly what we have signed up for. There is no way to take two whole pies and make them one, less you cut pieces of them both and fit them together, this is the journey of marriage. We all know that this is the goal when we get married, but none of us realize how painful this process can be, cutting off pieces of you to fit your spouse. It took me years to learn how to do this, and now you want me to cut it away? It can feel like that person is trying to change you, which tends to be frustrating when your spouse knew those things about you before you married.

It is imperative, when falling in love and choosing a spouse that you don’t just choose one who looks good, makes you feel like a slice of heaven, takes good care of you and so on… choose someone you don’t mind exchanging pieces of you for more of them. Initially, when I started writing I used the word sacrifice, but I took a moment to look it up and changed it to exchange. Sacrifice only focuses on the loss, not what you gain in return. Marriage should be an exchange of goods. I don’t want to sacrifice; I want to exchange this piece of me for an even better piece of you, a piece that makes us closer to being one.

Marriage is an eternal covenant. Whether you stay married, or divorce, the person you marry will always have pieces of you, you will never get back. So choose wisely, who you decide to make an exchange with. Be sure that whatever you receive in return, is worth giving away that piece of you. More importantly, remember that anytime you cut away a piece of you it may hurt. There are some things that are easy to give up, I do not miss taking out the trash! There are other things that may cause a twinge of pain, and those things may vary for each person. Just remember that overall if you married someone worth the exchange, it may hurt but it’s for the better. Don’t cause a fight or argument every time you have to give up a piece of yourself, there was no way to become one unless you both cut pieces away. If you’re arguing over every change that you have to make, I challenge you to examine if you view your spouse as someone worthy of the exchange. If you do, what are you arguing about?

Our need to be independent can often cloud the overall goal of oneness. 1 Cor 11:11 In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. Try as we may, once we enter the covenant of marriage we cannot be independent of one another.

God, make me a better wife. Help me to understand clearly how my marriage can serve Your kingdom. Give me wisdom to know when to be quiet, when to comfort, when to make a stand, and when to pray. God help me to not have so much pride in myself, I make my husband feel unworthy of an exchange. Teach me how to love this man, how to help him reach his maximum potential. God I know this prayer may be different, because I’m not focusing on what I need from him but rather what he may need from me that he prays to You about.

May Your peace invade my heart, Your love teach me humility, Your ways teach me wisdom, Your voice guide me through the time when cutting parts of me makes me afraid. Teach me the strength of my love, the beauty in being half so we can be whole.

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