Saturday, August 6, 2011

Understanding How to Communicate with Your Partner When Things go Wrong

Photo:madamnoire.com

by Zoe Mendez, Writer for Woman to Woman Blog Talk

How do we really get around to letting our partners know that we are not the enemy? If there is a problem they do not have to clamp up and shut us out. Some of us genuinely love and care about the person we are sharing our life with, and though we may not have all the answers at our finger tips and we may not be able to solve the problem, we want to be there for you. We want to be aware of your challenges, especially the ones that can affect our relationship negatively. You don't have to hurt or worry all by yourself.

It is a very frustrating experience to share the same space with someone, who sometimes without a warning shuts down right before our very eyes, and we do not know how to get through to the person, or what to do. When this happens, resist the urge to pry, it can be annoying. Having information that you are not ready to share dragged out of you by another is not cute. Leave it be and give it time. Remind the person that you care and try your level best to give them the space they need to deal with their issues. If the reason for their withdrawal is as a result of a misunderstanding you may have had, then both of you do have to find the time to get to the bottom of your challenge.

Try talking it out in a loving and caring way. Be sincere and honest about the way you feel regarding the situation and just wait it out. When discussing issues, be conscious of your tone; try to say what you need to say in a calm tone. And the listener should resist the urge to get angry. In heart-to-heart talks, it is possible that you will hear things that, in the moment, may rub you the wrong way. Try to be open as possible and see the situation in the reverse. Sometimes when the shoe is on the other foot it changes your perspective. Two people who really care about each other would both do their part to contribute to things getting better. Bear in mind that it would take some time.

I do suppose though, all of us have our times, when faced with challenges, where we prefer not to be around anyone. Or sometimes we just do not want to burden our partner with our problems. When you truly care for someone, automatically if they hurt, you hurt. I would be the first to admit that it can be a very painful experience to suddenly be on the outside. Most of the times if you pay attention you would recognize it has nothing to do with you or the individual; and ego has a way of blowing everything out of proportion. You may want to be the one person that can take away the troubles from your love, especially if compassion is embedded in your DNA. But as hard as you may try, sometimes you simply cannot make someone else feel better about themself.

Communication, maturity, and understanding are some of the key elements that have to be implemented when dealing with this mind boggling trait. We have to invest the time in understanding our partner; we have to learn to be patient with the process, especially if the relationship is new. More so, it is important to understand that we are each an individual evolving in our own ways, therefore when we get together, our relationship will continuously be a work in progress.

It takes a whole lot of trust and confidence for someone to get to that level, where they are comfortable enough to know that it does not matter where, how or why, but that with you they are always in a safe place.

In most instances fear and pride are the main reasons that can have someone stuck in a place alone. Fear of being judged, fear of being ridicule, fear of betrayal; maybe who knows, it’s all within good reason.

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