Healing Begins With Us

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by Zoe Mendez (Writer for Woman to Woman Blog Talk)

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Healing, whether recovering from a broken heart, betrayal, disappointment or lost loved one is a consistent, ongoing process. I wish I could tell you that healing from any level is easy breezy, because there is no easy way to recover from a loss, pass hurt, betrayal, or disappointment. It takes every ounce of determination, courage, and strength that is embedded in the depth of your being, and you really cannot accomplish that without faith in God.

I have discovered that the healing process only begins when we are ready to forgive and let go. Begin with self before moving along to others. A lot of times when a situation in our life does not work out well, our first natural instinctive reaction is to blame self. We launch our self-attack of if only, couldda, wouldda, shouldda. Maybe I should have said it another way, maybe if I could have, I would have done things differently... What we do not realize is that there really is a time and a season for everything, and in most instances when things do not turn out the way we expect it to, it is not our fault. It is usually no one's fault. People really do come into our lives for a reason and a season and when the time is right, even if you do not feel ready, the relationship will end without a warning and at times for the simplest, most flippant reason. It will feel as though you have been dropped from the tallest building; it is confusing, but it is just the way it is. Struggling to understand will only send you deeper into the confusion of trying to understand what happened.

The first part of the letting go process is acknowledgement. Acknowledge that life and everything that is a part of life is a cycle. Acknowledge that maybe there was nothing you could have done that would have changed the out come of the situation, that would be all speculation because most times life does not give us a second chance at the same exact situation with the same exact people. Though I have had experiences where it seemed as though I had come full-circle with a familiar situation, the circumstances were always different. My thought whenever that happened is always that maybe it was my opportunity to put the lesson learnt from the previous situation into action. So quit the blame game, every thing you experience has a lesson attached.

Take responsibility. We all have a conscience, and should have a good sense of what is right from wrong. Honest, self-introspection can help us to get clear in regards to the part we played in the situation or the other person's life. Sometimes an apology might be necessary, whether verbally or written. I believe in writing that way, you can say all that you need to say clearly and lovingly without interruption. Speaking face to face can be a little bit nerve wrecking and somewhat intimidating. Be the better man and say you are sorry if you need to. When you share what is in your heart then letting go and keeping the peace within becomes a little less burdensome.

Understand that what has happened or is happening is bigger than you and I. God has a plan and a purpose for everything that has occurred. Tucked away in every painful experience is a life changing lesson. Every disappointment comes with an opportunity to experience a miracle. We just have to learn to rise above the pain and get it, when we stop dwelling on the pain everything becomes crystal clear. There is a concept that I embrace, which is, we are all a part of a giant puzzle, we all have our part to play in each other lives. When we stop living as if we are on a one man's island, and stop being selfish, only then would we be able to live and experience the commandment of loving one another as we love self. Love and forgiveness is the signature that seals the deal to healing. The sooner we get that is the faster we heal.

However, I need to be clear that I am not endorsing allowing someone to wilfully dump on you. That would not be fair to anyone. You will always know when you are in a situation that is not right for you, and you may have to be the one to say enough is enough. Do so in a loving, kind way. There is a song that I refer to as the ultimate break up song from one of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s many compositions. It says, "Don’t write a letter when you want to leave, don't call me at 3a.m from a friend's apartment. I'll like to choose how I hear the news, take me to a park that's covered with trees, tell me on a Sunday please. Let me down easy, no big song and dance, no long faces, no long looks, no deep conversation... don’t leave in silence with no words at all, don’t get drunk and slam the door, that’s no way to end…" I am sure you get the drift. Breaking off a relationship is not easy; it really does require tact. Friendships and love relationships don’t always have to end in drama. Remember we can choose the way we want to end our relationship, whichever relation it is, ending with love and kindness will aid in the healing process.

I know many of us are still on a path to discovering a better way of day-to-day living. Try to appreciate the people we have in our lives as often as you can, as tomorrow is promised to no one. So just in case, if death is the one snatching love from your life you would be at peace knowing that you have expressed love and appreciation constantly and consistently, because one never really know when their season is about to change. When you are at peace with the way you lived with your loved ones, the journey to healing would be guilt free and less traumatic.

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