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There must be a reason why you’re reading this at the moment. You too are looking for perfection in a man. You will not find it. It simply does not exist. If you want a perfect man, then you have to be a perfect woman. Now this is not for women who have just broken off of a bad relationship, or just had their heart broken. Some of you have legitimate reasons for being single—for the time being. Instead, this is for all my ladies who take it upon themselves to make their chances of meeting their soul mate 10 times harder than it should be. You, yes, you, are the reason why you’re still single, because you keep shooting yourself in the foot. What in the world do you want?!
There must be a reason why you’re reading this at the moment. You too are looking for perfection in a man. You will not find it. It simply does not exist. If you want a perfect man, then you have to be a perfect woman. Now this is not for women who have just broken off of a bad relationship, or just had their heart broken. Some of you have legitimate reasons for being single—for the time being. Instead, this is for all my ladies who take it upon themselves to make their chances of meeting their soul mate 10 times harder than it should be. You, yes, you, are the reason why you’re still single, because you keep shooting yourself in the foot. What in the world do you want?!
Here are our top 4 reasons why many women are single and still looking
Men Won’t Put up With your BS: You just won’t grow up. You still want to party and hang out with your girls all the time and expect your man will be right there waiting for you when you get home, because he doesn’t mind. All you’re concerned about is yourself; your hair and nails, your clothes and pocketbooks, and how hip you look when you’re out. You don’t want to cook, wash or clean. Or you want to sneak around and think he’s that stupid; he doesn’t have a clue. Your attitude stinks; you don’t know how to talk to your man or anyone for that matter. You think he and everyone else is beneath you, all because you’re a little good-looking and make a few bucks. Yeah, Miss Independent. Okay, you make a little bit more money than he does, but who cares. If your money will dictate whether you’re respectful to others, including the man who cares about you and loves you, girl you’ve got some issues, and will continue to have them unless you put things in perspective. And you’re wondering why you’re still single and dying to get a man in your arms….Girl please….
Unreasonable expectations: You followed some relationship coach’s advice and made a list of all the things you want in your mate, and a list of the things about a man you find distasteful. Woman to Woman Blog Talk calls it your, ‘Don’t Date That Guy’, list. Based on your list you’ve profiled your ‘perfect’ Cassanova. While it might be okay to follow advice from professional relationship coaches, you still have to make a realistic list of what you wish in your Mr. Right. Your Mr. Right might not be my Mr. Right. Every woman’s Mr. Right is unique to her taste, standards, values, and expectations. At the same time, by having unreasonable expectations you set yourself up for heartbreak, or not ever finding that ‘perfect’ man.
In deciding what you want in your mate, you need to leave out the material things you attach to him. Oh, he better be rich and famous; my man has to be driving a fancy, expensive car; he must have a mansion, he must be tall, dark, and handsome, or tall and pale with pretty blue eyes; he must be muscular and sexy; he must buy me everything I want; his family/relatives must be perfect, heck, he better be perfect, he must be willing to cook, wash, and clean, because I’m not doing that…I’m not going to be his maid, he must run to me at my every behest; hold my hands, paint my nails, wash my hair, lick my toes….and the unrealistically unreasonable list goes on.
Unsubmissiveness: I’ve never heard a man said he prefers an unsubmissive woman or spouse. One who’s submissive is one who is ready “to give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” Such a person is usually “unresistingly or humbly obedient.” (Dictionary.Com) Oh, I know you can’t wait to jump all over me. Well, that’s precisely one of the reasons why so many women are still single. They take the words out of the man’s mouth; they just wouldn’t let him speak. They treat him like the whipping boy, the son of an irritating mother, being punished for every bad deed a former man has ever done to them. And they refuse to submit to the authority of their partner or spouse.
The issue of submission, used in the context of women surrendering ultimate authority to the man has been a source of heated debate and cynicism. Men are inherently authoritative and have been cultured to be the ones who take the reigns. No one is asking women to be the doormat or the dumping ground for unscrupulous men. But good, wonderful men deserve to know that they can be a leader in their family or have some sort of respect from their women, and influence over day-to-day activities and responsibilities. “I don’t need to listen to you, you listen to me,” “You’re not the boss of me,” “I’m my own woman,” “I make my own money, so you have no say over what I do,” “Heck, I don’t need you,” are some of the statements men have to hear, statements they abhor and which are tantamount to unsubmissiveness.
We cannot eat our cake and still have it. Be a lady and act like it. Trying to be the boss at all costs is unattractive to men—a turn off, actually. A man who truly loves and respects you will let you have your say and value and consider your opinions, and so that way you will have no need to struggle for supremacy in the relationship.
If you feel so passionate about not being accountable to your partner or spouse, then you should not be in a relationship. And don’t give me the 50/50, equality crap. A woman’s got to be a woman, and a man a man. You cannot be both the woman and the man. If you want to be both, then you should make up your mind on remaining single for the rest of your life!
Unable get over a past bad relationship: Okay, so you’ve been hurt…That’s not kool, if a guy gave you heartache without reason to do so. But you’re not the first or last or only woman who’s been in those shoes. Having had your heart broken does not give you a license to view every man as similar to the last man who dogged you out and broke your heart. “Oh, Tom cheated on me, this one might do the same.” “Girl, Jack abused me, John just might abuse me too.”
In order for you to let another guy into your life, you have to let the one you’re holding on to out. Of course you’re no longer in that painful relationship, but the fact that your past experiences hinder your present and future relationship progress says a whole lot. It says, especially, that you have not yet moved on. Past bad experiences must be used for the lessons they teach and wisdom they bring, not to prevent you from progressing. When you keep holding on to what your ex has done, you leave no space for your Mr. Right to come in, or if he does, you will chase him away by your action or inaction, because he will soon realize that you class him with your bad exes, and that really and truly you’re not emotionally available and ready for a new relationship. And poof! There goes your one chance at having relationship bliss.
In order for you to let another guy into your life, you have to let the one you’re holding on to out. Of course you’re no longer in that painful relationship, but the fact that your past experiences hinder your present and future relationship progress says a whole lot. It says, especially, that you have not yet moved on. Past bad experiences must be used for the lessons they teach and wisdom they bring, not to prevent you from progressing. When you keep holding on to what your ex has done, you leave no space for your Mr. Right to come in, or if he does, you will chase him away by your action or inaction, because he will soon realize that you class him with your bad exes, and that really and truly you’re not emotionally available and ready for a new relationship. And poof! There goes your one chance at having relationship bliss.
You’ve heard and read warnings about not “settling” or not “settling for less”, and no one should. No woman should put up with a man’s BS. But to everything there must be moderation and balance, otherwise you will cheat yourself out of the good life brings. Although it is admirable to have certain standards set for yourself in choosing a partner, unreasonable expectations will continue to leave you empty-handed, and then you wonder why all your girlfriends are happy and together with their guys.
Check yourself. Are you being too stringent in your search for your mate? You will never find Mr. Perfect. If you keep that up, you will continue to be single and looking. Then you’ll wonder where all the years went, and now you’re old, cold and bitter, sitting in your rocking chair, disliking your cobwebbed house, and fussing over the 101 cats you decided to buy to keep you company while you wait on prince charming.
Do you agree with the ideas shared in this post? What has your experience been? Please feel free to comment below.
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Become a writer for Woman to Woman Blog Talk. Email us at womantowomansite@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The idea, views, suggestions and opinions of other writers/contributors of Woman to Woman Blog Talk do not necessarily represent the views of the Administrator of this site. Administrator cannot be held responsible for independent ideas, views, suggestions and opinions of others.
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