Our men are faced with what could be the biggest threat in the whole of their existence. It’s not the proliferation of nuclear weapons, or a possible World War III, or an inability to be a man; it is us—women, and more specifically women who believe they do not need men.
There has long been a paradigm shift in the roles of men and women. This is evident in the heightened conflict over what really is the man’s place in society; the conflict being more palpably evident in the first institution—the family.
The Women’s Liberation Movement and the relentless clamor for female independence do not help the shift. These two factors, to name a few, are feared by many men and anti-feminists as dreaded threats to the world’s manhood.
“In many ways, the woman has taken over not only the man’s traditional role of provider, but also that of protector. She has mace, she has a gun in her purse, and she has a cell phone to call the police instantly. So what does the man do? He says, “I’m your protector,” and she says, “I don’t need you to protect me.” (Dr. Myles Munroe, Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men, 2002, Whitaker House)
The traditional acquisition of ideas and roles of manhood by sons from their fathers has become almost extinct, since more than enough households are now headed by women, demonstrative of the role-shifting. The man is hardly anywhere to be found!
Though pleasurably caught up in the independence they fought for, women complain bitterly of men not taking up their roles and responsibilities as fathers and husbands. But women have to ask themselves this: “How did we contribute to the common practice of men being less interested in accepting their roles and functions in our lives and the lives of the children?” Added to that eye-opening question, perhaps, a few gentle proverbial reminders that you cannot expect to “eat your cake and still have it.”
Have we in fact and in truth by our actions and modern-day beliefs of our roles confused men, having them doubt their manhood, their abilities, their potential for contribution, their own roles and functions, and their place in the lives of their women and children?
We call for men to be “responsible,” but we are guilty of displaying selfish double-standards by being consciously or unconsciously irresponsible, when we present ourselves as all-capable and self-sufficient? With this attitude and approach, we defeat the roles men are ready and willing to play, even before they try. However, while a degree of solipsism may be allowed for both men and women, and while the man is inherently regarded as the head of the home, it is unnecessary to introduce the superiority-inferiority, the I'm-bigger-and-better you're-smaller-and-lesser divide. Both parties should have a say.
Gender equality advocates would call it “equality.” Others may call it a “partnership,” two partners, one ship, one man, one woman, one head. Here is where the misconception may have started, though. Being designated “the head” of the household does not mean that men are the bosses of women, or that women are inferior to men. At some point, and in various matters, men vis-à-vis women each have functional advantages over the other. The superiority-inferiority complex has to be laid to rest, as it is the foundation for relationship and gender conflict.
Women need to understand that like them, men need acceptance. They need to feel loved, respected, and valued. Men on the other hand, and in the meantime women are coming back to their senses, can counteract the stance taken by some women, not through frustration or retaliation but, by re-strategizing. Though they are vitally important, men should change their thinking by viewing their identity and purpose as not based on roles, but inclusive of roles they are expected to fulfill at various stages of their lives. They also can adopt a new consciousness of who they are and what determines their manhood, avoiding societal trends, women’s opinions, and feminists’ influence to confuse them or shape their understanding of themselves.
Copyright. All rights reserved, 2011
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